I met with my pastor yesterday. I had some questions. Each day I’m closer to being a theist. I don’t even know if I like those labels at all anymore, but I’m something else now. My view of God is so different from most people I have talked to. I guess there are as many interpretations of God as there are people. But I believe there is one force. I wouldn’t even say one God, because I think that many Gods and one God are one in the same. Many Gods are just each one facet of the overall force. Maybe I’m more of a Star Wars nerd than a Christian?
So I get the God thing. But I do not get the Jesus thing. Right now I’m closer to the Jewish interpretation of Jesus as a teacher.
- Virgin Birth – You can call it what you want. It’s a pretty excellent excuse. I think there were a lot of “virgin” births, but I also think that strange things can happen.
- Son of God – I get that he can be 100% divine and 100% human. Don’t ask me how, but I get it. Maybe some things are higher than math as we know it.
- Atonement – don’t get it. Don’t get it at all. This is mostly what I was talking to my pastor about. He had some explanations, but I need to do some reading, thinking and going to church to figure it out.
I love feeling this slow growing of my faith. It is never more than I can handle. No one is pushing me to learn faster, or accept things at face value. Each day I feel closer to God and my essential self. I feel closer to being whole.
I never would have guessed in a million years that I would actually be going to church. I wanted to since I was a teenager. I wanted to believe. I wanted to have a place where I thought about life and the universe. I wanted that social structure around me. I was so far away from having faith. I was too independent. I feel like I can do so much more when I draw on the energy of God, the energy of everything around me.