Aaaaand it’s back.
I was almost starting to miss it. The high heart rate, the feelings of inadequacy and doom. Life just wasn’t the same without my anxiety. But it’s back. Those familiar feelings have come back to snuggle into my chest. Nice and comfy.
Planning a wedding is stressful. Everyone tells you that. Stress comes from expectations that don’t get met. Stress comes from unknowns. Stress comes from assumptions that are never investigated. I go really up and down with it. EVERYTHING IS FANTASTIC! this is a disaster. I’M AMAZING. what the hell am I doing. THIS WILL BE SO MUCH FUN. everyone will hate it and hate me.
So. When I’m feeling my heart rate go up, I try to remember this:
- Breathe. Get more oxygen in your brain, it’s starving.
- Chill. Be realistic. What will actually happen? Not what’s the worst case, but what’s the realistic case?
- Priorities. Think about the experience and not the money (as long as we’re still on budget).
- Remember. It’s anxiety speaking, not real life.
I’m thankful I’m back into being able to do some exercise. I walk my 10 minute walk to work and back. I’ve gone climbing a couple times, and feel the burn. I’m going to sign up for the gym at my work so I can do some drop-in classes once a day. So I’ll get fit and reduce my anxiety all at once. My foot feels ok. It’s kind of stiff, and definitely weak, but holy crap – I can walk and I can drive so I don’t care if it’s not perfect. I need to start taking my vitamins again. I’m so bad at taking them, but it should help my craziness.