“How often does your anxiety keep you from doing something in your life?”

The answer to this was always, “Rarely.” That’s even what I said to the counselor last week that I talked to on the phone while I took a sick day because I couldn’t handle another day of work. It took me a while to put it together. It’s affecting my life in a way it hasn’t before. Intrusive thoughts. Self-loathing. Shame. Guilt. Fear. Sick days. Tears. Unkind words.

I have a lot going on right now, and I’m hitting a high point of emotional instability. I’m back on the anti-anxiety stuff from the naturopath, but I’m considering some harder stuff. First, I will do weekly counselling. My work offers short-term counselling, but I kind of want something long-term. It’ll cover that too, but only up to a certain amount.

I’m feeling unwilling to do the work. I want a quick fix. But counselling usually does help, and I think weekly will be good. I’m thankful I have sick days I can take. For my bad days, emotionally, or physically. ┬áMy immune system is a mess, and I think a lot of it is just stress.

This too shall pass, I know. But it’s always in my face these days and I just want to be better.